Is it hot in here? Blow [on] my ego!

I am constantly astounded by the amazing hubris exhibited by the human race.  We are a breed apart, aren’t we?  Thinking we own the entire goddamn world and everything on it and that everything revolves around us, a smelly and quarrelsome lot of ridiculous semi-upright hairless apes?

Take the whole global warming concept, for instance.  A group of classic British tight-assed mutual masturbators calling themselves the Stratigraphy Commission of the Geological Society of London has decided to rename our present geological epoch to reflect the huge impact we ridiculous hairless apes have wreaked upon this doomed planet.  That’s right, this is now the “Anthropocene” Epoch.

(Points if you can name what it used to be called.)

So why is this worth talking about?

Because the Global Warming concept is a SHAM, people!  You are being fucked over yet again by the slavering media and all you do is roll over meekly and murmur, “Thank you sir, may I have another.”  Do you LIKE being the media’s fuck-bitch?  Really?  And do you LIKE thinking of yourself, a smelly and quarrelsome ridiculous hairless ape, as being so self-important that the entire world revolves around you?

That last part I can’t help you with, but let’s get something straight here:  as a species we are trashing our planet.  There’s no question about that.  And it needs to stop, simply because it’s incredibly stupid not to.  But this trashing of the planet is not the cause of the temperature shifts that are occurring.

(I know!  That’s treehugging liberal blasphemy!  But I mock people on all sides of the party line, so don’t worry, your time will come.)

When we carried clubs and ran screaming after our food, we were too busy to keep temperature records.  Basing “trends” that are occurring now on the relatively short time we’ve actually been keeping such records is like choosing a President based on who gets the most media time closest to the election.  Which explains some of our abysmal choices.

So sure, it’s getting hotter.  Global hot flashes are not your imagination.   But that would have happened anyway. The Earth is just going through menopause, that’s all.  Soon we can expect dryness in sensitive areas and constant PMS.  Get used to it.

And get over yourself.  Then go turn off that fucking light you left on in the other room.  And while you’re at it, get a bicycle, recycle your shit and stop buying so much stuff, stop peeing in my drinking water, turn your Escalade into a home for illegal immigrants, and pick up some fucking trash.  And if we’re gonna rename this geological epoch, we might as well come up with a useful name.  Go on, make a suggestion.  I’m listening.