Is that your vibration in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
A regular feature here at New Age Bitch is the blasting of New Age stereotypes. Pretty much every post chips away at them, but from time to time we’ll take on some woo-woo concept and make sense of it all.
Today’s topic? Vibration.
I hear this word and it makes my eyelids want to turn inside out. Vibration. There it is again! What does it mean?
“Raise” your vibration. (Huh? What is my vibration anyway? How do I get one? Raise it? How?! WTF?)
One thing at a time here. Vibration refers to how the particles of matter that make up your physical being are connected with one another. Everything vibrates. Everything is vibration. Nothing is truly solid; everything you can touch, taste, smell, see, or hear is made of particles with spaces between them. And those particles are always moving. The rate at which they move and interact with one another is vibration.
You with me so far? Good. Keep going.
Again, everything vibrates. You do, your clothes do, the chair your ass is glued to does, and so does what you had for dinner, the air you breathe, your computer, the window you stare vacantly through from time to time, everything. Even thoughts, intentions, etc. But we’ll get to that later.
(Oh, who am I kidding? You don’t care a fat fuck about vibration. What you really want to talk about are vibrators)
Too bad. Get your hand out of your pants and stay with me here.
To raise your vibration you make changes in your own rate of energetic self-movement to match what’s vibrating around you. Most people do this without realizing it. It’s … just part of life. You sense what’s around you energetically and you naturally want to be closer to that. If it’s a forest of tall buildings and busy people milling about, you match that. If it’s a forest of quiet eternal tall trees, you match that. Easy stuff here.
The thing to remember though is that your vibration is just as strong/important/present as the vibration of what’s around you. So just as you strive to make sweet non-dissonant hum with what’s around you, everything around you is matching you at the same time.
The thing that’s wrong about the phrase Raise your vibration is the implication that there’s something wrong with yours and that you must change.
The First Rule of Bitch is that You Are Never Wrong.
Seriously. What have I told you before about your Inner Bitch? If you constantly send out little vibrator-thought-waves of oh-I-must-be-wrong and everyone-else-is-better, then people will respond to that and help you make it true. But if instead you just say what-the-fuck and hold your head up high and send out vibrations (there’s that word again! my eyelids!) of I-totally-rock-and by-the-way-fuck-you-asshole then that’s what people will respond to.
Trust me. If you want to be something, then stop focusing on what you are NOT and start just being what it is you want. It’s as simple as that.
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August 15th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
First off, thank you. Your comment was one of my favorite in a day of great comments. Second, dude, I’m totally subscribing. I laughed out loud three times since I the page filled my screen. Four, actually, because I’m laughing right now.
August 15th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
Writer Dad: It takes a lot to make The Bitch blush. Aaaand, just try harder next time, will you? You’re almost there.
Kidding. Thanks for stopping!
August 15th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Positive attitude. Believing in yourself. Sure. But HOW exactly do I turn off the constant, nagging, negative own-comments??
August 16th, 2008 at 4:28 am
It’s not everywhere they you can get new age principles served up by a modern day Mae West. I’m with Writer Dad, laughing and happy I stopped by.
Vered I’m not sure you can totally stop them but one method that works well is to find just a little bit higher thought and work up from there.
August 16th, 2008 at 6:43 am
Okay, yes to be honest, I was hoping for an in depth conversation about vibrators. HOWEVER, since you didn’t want to go there, I stuck it out LOL. I used to walk around looking really small, based on the bad relationships I was in. Then one day, I decided enough is enough. I stood up straight and tall, starting looking people in the eyes, and said “I am woman, hear me roar.” My partner of 16 years left me about the exact time this took place. Seems he prefers woman with small vibrations. That’s okay, now I have a fantastic man and our energetic vibrations are completely in tune with one another.
What I find very interesting is that people always think I’m much taller than I really am. I am 5′3″, but people are always shocked to discover this. “Wow, you seem so much taller.” I guess I have a tall presence *grin*
August 16th, 2008 at 11:42 am
The thing to know about raising vibration is much like vibrators: increasing the frequency doesn’t always give the most pleasure.
And Vered, what makes those negative nagging self-comments so bad? If it’s not blocked it turns into something fun like this.
August 16th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Vered: Tell them to fuck off and that YOU’RE taking control of your head now. And then invite them to join the new party you’re creating.
Tom: We aim to please! (that vibrator helps)
Urban Panther: Sounds like you found your own g-spot.
Matthew: Are you talking frequency as in rate of vibration or frequency as in how often? Because I highly recommend the latter when it comes to vibrators.
August 16th, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Sometimes I wish my girlfriend was a little bit more of a bitch. She is totally indecisive all the time…meh…
August 16th, 2008 at 4:31 pm
Very funny, very true, and very much fun to read. Keep it going!
August 16th, 2008 at 5:55 pm
That post was awesome and very true. Thanks for the good information and suggestions:))
August 16th, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Andy: Dude. Send her to me; I’ll straighten her out!
Karen: Thanks, and I totally did NOT pay you to say that.
Echo: Ditto. Seriously, never saw you before, right? (*wink*)
August 26th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
*ahem*
Actually, vibration refers to harmonics, not just motion. As you mention, all atomic and sub-atomic particles are in constant motion; they only “vibrate” when the frequency of their motion is at a harmonic of the frequency of other particle motions…
You are funny and rich in your narrative, but imprecise and poorly trained in physics. Like I do with Deepak Chopra, I wish you had a deeper, more precise understanding of the physical sciences you pillage for your shallow, somewhat superstituous explanations of how the universe works. You dispense with the wonder and mystery to make it easy, palatable and accessible to the untrained.
Your loss.
Learn some science–it’s better than yapping about raising vibrations OR vibrators.
Dr. Donald B. MacGowans last blog post..http://DrBlizzardo.stumbleupon.com/review/23467158/
August 26th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
Dr. Donald: Okay, I’ll take “physicist” off my resume. And you’ve mentioned me in the same breath with Deepok Chopra, so we may have to get married now.
P.S. The thing about science is that it is imprecise. We are misled into thinking there *is*, in fact, precision there, but we still only know a small percentage about the way this reality we live in works. It wasn’t long ago that we still lived in what we thought was a Newtonian universe. Now we think that’s imperfect. We can therefore extrapolate that as sure as we are that quantum mechanics explains “everything”, it doesn’t. It’s closer, but it’s not everything. “Magic”, or “science”? Aren’t they both simply labels?
August 26th, 2008 at 9:51 pm
I think I felt asleep half way through *DR* ( omg A Dr.. I am in awe!! he must be smart). I tend to ignore comments from people so bored they need to “outsmart” another blogger. Food for thought: perhaps the meaning of vibration to A new age person is slightly different than physicist strict use of the term vibration.
echos last blog post..Cherishing Love
August 26th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
Well, Dr Donanal-d, I personally believe in the Everett many-worlds interpretation in quantum physics. I personally like the feel of a quantum vibration in my molecules – those Morse oscillators are sexy. But then it’s near my resonant frequency – then I *really* start vibrating, so watch out.
Or hey, maybe you should just accept the scientific viewpoint that there is no such thing as a zero-energy state in the universe. Which means that there is always some motion, some vibration of a sort, in absolutely everything in the universe. Duh!
But hey, 1-900 psychic networks need some vocabulary to work with, so tough. Accessibility isn’t such a bad thing; it might mean someone who’s handicapped in some areas might just understand something. I’ll give you time.
August 28th, 2008 at 8:13 am
Echo: True enough.
Asshole: Physics terminology makes me hot. More, more!
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