Go on, get aggressive! (You know you want to)
You know her by sight.
She’s the woman who walks confidently up to the head of the line you’ve been standing in for five minutes, speaks quietly to the person in charge, and walks away smiling. She got what she wanted. She also got what you wanted, only you didn’t speak up. Pussy.
She’s aggressive. And I mean that in a good way.
Aggression is simply the ability to come right up against boundaries, meeting them, time and time again. You know people like this. You may also be able to reproduce it yourself on occasion. But why not all the time?
It’s the dreaded “nice” thing, isn’t it?
Yeah, well, it’s too bad that “nice” also equals “doormat.”
(To be clear, we’re not talking about kindness here. Being an aggressive bitch is not incompatible with being kind.)
You want to be that person, the one who gets what she wants? (or he, either way) Follow these simple steps:
1. Get clear on what you want. This may be the most difficult part. After all, to be clear about what you want takes some doing. Some insight. Some self-awareness. And you have to put aside those inner fuck-you-over Voices Of Doubt. But once you do all that, what remains is, simply, what you want.
Oh. One thing about this. Understand that what you want is subject to change. And it’s OKAY that it changes. Expecting yourself to remain perfectly constant at all times for now and forever into the future is like dooming yourself to robothood. And we don’t want that. We like you all soft and pliable. So do allow for some change.
2. Say what you want. Go ahead. You can practice right now. Yes, out loud! It really only counts if you do it out loud. Tell someone, anyone, your naked self in the mirror even, what you want. And let it be wild, if that’s what you want. Like kink? Then fucking say so! But say it. Say what you want. You’ll never, EVER, get it unless you do. Sure, I can read your mind (and I know what you’re thinking RIGHT NOW, perv) but no one else does. So unless you want to put you life on hold until you’ve surrounded yourself with a bunch of fucking mind readers, say it. Say. It.
3. Expect what you want to be handed to you. If you don’t truly believe you’ll get what you want then you’re sending out mixed messages. Make your message crystal clear: THIS is what I want and I am SAYING what I want and I EXPECT it now bitch!
Truly expect it, though. Which means you may have to examine those underlying thought-patterns and identities that are preventing you from getting what you want. But when you hold yourself with perfect confidence, the world responds! Things fall into your lap.
See how easy it is? You’ve probably already done this at least one time in your life, noted how great it felt … and then fell back into that doormat trap again. Well, get your head out of your ass and get the fuck out of there! Check out the boundaries you sense around you and push back at them a little! And above all, have FUN with it. Life doesn’t need to be so fucking serious all the time.
If you’re not having fun, you’re not doing it right.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
August 18th, 2008 at 7:37 pm
This is an absolute masterpiece for pussies like myself. Its like I can FEEEEEEL my balls growing bigger. You would not BELIEVE the doormat that I am at work. I am like the door mat that people use when they accidently step in dog shit and it gets in the grooves of their shoe soles.
August 18th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
I love you!
The way you dish out the concepts with your Bitch style is so “new”
When you say you’re back, where were you? Is there somewhere else I can read more?
I don’t know if you have balls (well I know you have balls) or not but if you don’t do ya wanna hook up?
WTH even if you do, do ya wanna?
More More
August 19th, 2008 at 6:18 am
squeaky wheels get all sloppy in grease.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Andy: Balls getting bigger? I do have that effect on people!
Seth: It’s the bitch concept that’s back. I never went anywhere. More? You’ll just have to keep coming back. And tell your friends.
Writer Dad: Hmm, that sounds faintly suggestive…
August 19th, 2008 at 1:57 pm
I COMPLETELY agree with everything you said, but I don’t like your example. To me, cutting in front of people in line is not aggressive… it is plain rude.
And yes, I am nice and it nearly gives me a heart attack to have to disagree with you. But I do.
August 19th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
I completely disagree with the example you use as an act of “getting what you want”. That’s just an example of someone who is rude and lucky that I’m not the person standing in that line for five minutes because she would never had made it to the counter.
There’s a way to get what you want and not be a bitch about it.
August 20th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I don’t completely agree or disagree, but I do believe that being direct is the best approach when you want something. I do try to consider the other persons point of view, sometimes they can’t help the circumstance and it’s out of their control. However, if it’s something they can help, then usually I try to be reasonable and polite, and the respect is definitely useful. BUT if the person I’m dealing with is unreasonable (think a Toyota dealer who didn’t want to pony up and replace a defective part for nothing), then I’ll pull out the big … attitude.
I’m a Registrar at a college, so I deal with a lot of people every day, sometimes people are upset or just need to be heard. I think a little mutual respect goes a long way, and I appreciate it when people are fair with me. “Do unto others…”
August 20th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Vered: I love disagreement! If we were identical it would be boring!
Lisa: See, I revved up your aggression didn’t I? Feels good, right? Sometimes we need a nudge to get good and angry.
SpiritBeautiful: Being direct is the best approach in almost *every* situation.
August 20th, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Being nice is such a slippery slope. If we’re nice in the checkout lines, soon it’ll mean being nice at a dinner party, and then finally you’re nice with the person you love. I couldn’t live in such a world.
It’s nicer when people say what they mean. Just that word “nice” has so many meanings. Does it mean “being a doormat and never actually showing your impatience even though you want to strangle someone”? Or “I spent an internship up in Canada where they apologize for everything as a matter of course”? Or does it mean you’re a fucking Gandhi? I actually like Gandhi, but then he was really nice in thoroughly pissing off the British to the point they got cultural jaundice. Nice to see it done that way.
August 20th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
I hate when people never say what they want and then complain when they don’t get it. Great content. I agree completely.
(and thanks for the typo alert. that’s what I get for changing the title at the very last minute)
followthatdogs last blog post..No matter what he says, I am hilarous.
August 20th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Yeah, I don’t know if “getting what you want” has to be equated with “at the expense of everyone around you.”
There’s a way to get everything you want, and being patient and kind is not the same thing as being a “pussy.” It actually takes a much bigger person to be able to pursue what he wants while being considerate of the impact of his choices.
I do agree that a person needn’t be victimized by life, though, and to speak up or step up when necessary, even if others will think it rude or obnoxious.
There’s a big difference between cutting in line to get what you want, and be clear about what you want as you share time and space with your fellow human beings.
Troy aka CocteauBoy
August 20th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Asshole: I either want to marry you or run very very far away. I can’t decide.
followthatdog: If only we were all mindreaders this would be so much easier!
Troy aka: When you add “when necessary” it leaves room for judgment. Ultimately, each person is his own judge, period.
August 22nd, 2008 at 8:04 pm
Thank you for not being PC. Hallelujah. Be honest, speak up, speak your mind, who cares what others think (it helps to be 50 to believe this one down to your toes) and everything else you said. Ditto. You go, Girl. Oh, sorry, you go, New Age Bitch!
August 24th, 2008 at 9:17 am
I’m more of a “hey, end of the line, lady” sort of guy. Aggressively so.
Whits last blog post..I Thought Bald was Beautiful
September 29th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
You’re a very “gutsy” broad! I like that in a woman!
Roses last blog post..Business Plan Competition!