Why we need more leprechauns
Ever have one of those panicky moments when you realize that whatever crappy previous post you wrote not only truly sucks about as much ass as anything you’ve ever written but also it’s ZOMG on the FRONT PAGE, deterring THOUSANDS OF POTENTIAL PRESHUSS SUBSCRIBERS?!!!!!
Yeah. Me neither.
Listen. What we need around here is a little good old-fashioned handholding. I know, I know, it’s not what you’ve come to expect from me, but … We are the world. All the world’s a Coke. This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius. Free to be you and me! I’m OK, you’re OK.
Group. Hug.
Okay, shake it off. That’s enough. Hey! You there, with the woody: that was NOT the intent of our hug. You therefore are BANNED from all future and subsequent group hugs and huglike events. We may even have to completely redo the t-shirts. We can’t have people going around wearing THAT! Somebody text Cafe Press!
Sorry, folks. I’m afraid we’re going to have to cancel all future and subsequent hugs because SOMEbody couldn’t keep his hand out of his pants. We may even have to cancel CommentLuv. Wouldn’t want to spread some nasty VIRUS or anything just because there may have been inappropriate…contact [shudder].
People.
(You know, there are people who think I’m a misanthrope just because I hate people. I seriously don’t get that.)
Oh, who am I kidding? All that love-and-light free-to-be crap? Not me. I can’t pretend, sorry.
But … there’s something awfully compelling about it, isn’t there? The siren’s call of sweetness and light? If I just hold my breath and cross my fingers and don’t step on cracks and wish really really really hard, I’ll get a pony! And unicorns! A rainbow unicorn! Seven of them! One to match each day of my day-of-the-week panties!
Unicorns my ass.
Oh, don’t get me wrong: unicorns are TOTALLY real. They just prefer not to be associated with rainbows and little girl’s panties.
Unicorns, REAL ones, are total bitches.
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!Related posts:
August 21st, 2008 at 7:21 pm
U Rock Bitch!!
;PPP
Billy Warhols last blog post..VANITY FAIR STYLE FASHION CARLA BRUNI 016
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:11 pm
You spend a LOT of time JUSTIFYING being a bitch, but us readers probably already get that…
Where’s the Beef?? (and no, group hug junkie, not THAT beef)
heh heh
Troy
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Hmm… Troy, I followed your link, and you spend a lot of effort justifying being nice – and then aren’t nice when someone doesn’t act how they ’should’ act. What’s your beef?
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Billy: Yep!
Troy: Beefcake? Not here.
Beefeater: Speaking of links, yours was, um, compelling. Thanks for sharing.
August 23rd, 2008 at 1:33 pm
And I should mention that my retinas are still burning.
August 23rd, 2008 at 10:55 pm
Group hugs are magical. Boners are not. Let’s keep boners away from hugs kthxbye…
Thanks for commenting on my blog, btw, I always like to see a new face..:-)
Matts last blog post..Beware of guard cat…
August 24th, 2008 at 6:42 am
Another interesting, though provoking read NAB. Keep em coming and thanks for the visit on my blog too.
Peace!
August 24th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Just came across your blog (is it just me, or is that word just getting more and more annoying?) for the first time today, New Age Bitch. I must say, I find it kind of refreshing. It’s a nice contrast to some of the, how should I put it, more flowery-new-age-y approaches one sees out there when it comes to (what I see as) a process that definitely requires a great deal of coming back down to earth. If one thinks it’s all about “loving” yourself and everyone in that hippie-kind-of-way, then they’re not going about it with what we might call a certain degree of necessary brutal honesty. Don’t get me wrong, I love love, and in the end, it is all about love. But, have we given enough thought to what love really is? Contrary to popular belief, love is *not* attachment and the mutual satisfaction of selfish desire. No, in reality, love is the *absence* of selfish desire.
BTW, I also commend your intention to hide less behind one of these bloggy-internet aliases that are all the rage. What is everyone hiding from? Or, for the grammatically snooty: From what is everyone hiding?
Robert Walkers last blog post..Self-Imposed Limits
August 24th, 2008 at 10:46 am
I am glad you wrapped up this post in the manner that you did. I was about to ask who you were and what you had done with The Bitch.
August 24th, 2008 at 11:58 am
OMG, New Age Bitch, I totally want to gay marry you.
Seriously though, I think it all depends on whose boner it is.
August 24th, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Matt: Some boners are magical, absolutely. You’ve heard of Viagra? That there’s magic, for some.
Robert Walker: I feel like I have to address you by both names. So formal! Next date you get to meet my mother, and by next year (if you’re lucky) you’ll be seeing my [veiled] face.
Andy: Just testing to see who’s paying attention!
AlienBaby: I’m in!