I’m not a Buddhist. I kill stuff. So sue me.
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Vigilante vegetarians fucking crack me up.
They’re all, “I don’t eat anything with eyelashes!” and then they force-feed us pictures of sad Bambi-eyed creatures destined for the slaughterhouse. These people claim they believe in non-violence, yet have you seen how violently they thrust those dangerous pamphlets at you? Dude! Those things are dangerous! A corner could put somebody’s eye out. Or cause a paper cut. Non-violence MY ASS.
Another thing. Vegetarians, veg-what are they called? Oh. Vegans (whatEVERR). Those people. The ones who patronizingly refuse to eat the food “God”* clearly put here for us to dominate and exploit? They seem to be missing the larger point.
Everything is alive.
That means that salad you’re so condescendingly consuming, thinking you’re doing a Good Deed for Mother Gaia by only eating non-animal things, is alive. Alive and has a consciousness. Are you okay with that? Can you live with yourself? You’re okay with killing the potential grandchildren of heads of lettuce? Ew! You eat HEADS??! EWWWW!
There are two options:
1. Become a breatharian.
Come on, it’s fucking real. You could live on air and light if you were enlightened enough. Not yet ready to give up Krispy Kremes? Read on.
2. Do what the Bitch does.
Don’t give a fuck.
Everything is alive and everything has a consciousness. So what? For centuries people killed stuff and ate it. They were grateful. They acknowledged that they were taking a life, taking the energy of what they ate. They knew they were taking the energy of whatever they consumed into their bodies. Or they killed stuff and ate it and weren’t grateful. It didn’t make a difference. Everything is alive and everything is energy. Energy is energy is energy.
Sue, you’ll probably FEEL a whole lot better if you eat real food, acknowledge its aliveness, and hold that in gratitude. Animals do. We don’t see them on their knees praying, but who decided what gratitude looks like? Being present is one of the highest forms of gratitude there is.
And if you want to stalk your neighborhood with a crossbow so you can bag your neighbor’s cat (or better yet that yapping little ankle-biter dog-in-a-handbag-thing next door), so be it. I’ll look the other way. As long as you’re grateful.
The important thing is to be at peace with your hypocrisy. The Bitch is.
Oh, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking about extrapolating this and talking about war and shit. For the record, war sucks. It ruins lives, kills people needlessly, and just, well, sucks. In the larger scheme though it’s no big deal. We live, we die, sometimes peacefully, sometimes horribly, but we always die. And then we get to do it again. That’s a sort-of comforting thought for those who believe it, but if you’re into thinking this is an existentialist one-shot deal, One Life to Live and then BANG you’re dead and cold and decomposing, well, then life sort of sucks for you. It also sucks if you think it’s all angels and fucking harps and virgins all day, because dude. BORING. One virgin, you’ve fucked them all, basically. Who wants that all day long, every day, into eternity? It’s WAY more fun thinking life is a fucking GAME and we’re here to PLAY and shit.
So taking that further, animals and bugs don’t really much care when you kill them either. Sure, what bug LIKES getting squished, but if you’re tapped into Bug Central you pretty much know you’re part of the oneness of everything and eventually it all sorts out again. No big deal. Again, that’s in the Big Picture, and though meanwhile Bambi’s there looking at you and your shotgun with liquid, imploring eyes, thinking about how much it’s going to fucking HURT when you shoot him and Thumper, you can ignore that. Bambi does that to fuck with you. Can you live with the memory of his accusing eyes burned into your retinas?
Then go ahead and shoot.
P.S. The Bitch is a vegetarian.
*we are all “God”, so this is moot, but whatever.
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August 28th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
“For centuries people killed stuff and ate it.”
Really? For whole centuries?
This reminds me of that awesome “Far Side” cartoon where it shows Carl Sagan as a boy pointing to the sky and saying, “Look at the stars…there must be hundreds of them!”
Sorry, NAB, I had to…
I agree with your major point here, which is, I think, that what matters is being mindful of what you do, whether it’s killing, eating, working, screwing, whatever. There’s a difference, of course, between there being nothing wrong with death, per se, and there being nothing wrong with mindless killing. Because there is. Something wrong with it. Killing an animal to eat it and being grateful for the nourishment we need as fracking human beings is different than mindlessly swatting a bug to death for no reason at all.
BTW, I have also pointed out to veggies that lettuce is alive. It’s fun! Not only that, but your body kills millions of living things all the time, just by doing its thing. Microbes, viruses, etc. So, it comes down to where we draw the line and why. The problem for most people is that they’re actually not really sure why.
Robert Walkers last blog post..Our Starting Point
August 28th, 2008 at 2:43 pm
i don’t know much about life. i don’t use label, i mean labeling people with “buddhist”, “vegetarian”, etc. i consider each person’s act, view, etc, as an individual. and i see that individual as part of the whole population, human being. which is a very tiny stuff compare to, when i see this universe. i appreciate different point of view, as i appreciate the bitch’s point of view in this script.
there is time when the bitch is writing, it’s completely different atmosphere compare to her daily life.
i like the bitch’s spirit in this article, which is i never have.
ok, happy blogging!
whiketywhacks last blog post..The end of a Chapter
August 28th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
We are all part of one big food chain. It is the circle of life. That circle is absolutely perfect the way it is and I hate it when people try to f*ck with it. Everything on this Earth has to eat and everything has to die. It just doesn’t get any simpler than that.
Nicely put, as always, Ms. Bitch.
Andy @ bloginyourface.coms last blog post..Mini Blog#78 - Wow! What a place to work!
August 28th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
Good post and great blog! Found you via WriterDad.
I’ve been a halfassed vegetarian for more than 12 years, during which time I’ve eaten chicken and dairy, but avoided all other meats. I’ve never been self righteous about it or scolded other people for their food choices, though. And while I don’t like the thought of killing animals to eat them, the rational side of me knows that we are animals, and most animals feed off of other animals.
For an eye opening expose on PETA and how hypocritical the organization is, check out Penn & Teller’s Bullshit episode on the topic. I’m including a link to a youtube site which has the videos.
http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=4154DDB211919587
Blogger Dads last blog post..Friday Funnies Aug. 29
August 29th, 2008 at 4:26 am
Shoot… I was so excited about this blog at first, but it’s just been spiraling into… well, something I didn’t expect.
I guess I was expecting some intelligent knocks against all the new agey cliches and concepts, but now I feel weird participating in this dance of false superiority gained only through constant condemnation of others while spending even more time self-justifying.
I agree with the kernels (dusty specks, actually) of truth in your words, but I’m just as bored with this kind of silliness as I am with the flipside of the new age.
I probably won’t be back.
Have fun with this NAB. It’s just not for me.
Troy
August 29th, 2008 at 4:38 am
ps. you are becoming waaaaay transparent, so be careful if you want that identity to remain a mystery.
August 29th, 2008 at 5:21 am
As Robert Walker pointed out, we kill things all the time without even being aware of them having existed. Viruses, microbes, germs, whatever else; they’re all living things and every one of us, even the vegans, off them without much of a second thought.
What it comes down to for most people (which I postulated upon further in a post of mine entitled “Bugs”) is the size of the creature. We all kill germs. Some of us kill bugs. Few of us step on sparrows or frogs, like we would insects, and the only reason is the size and mess left behind if we did.
Suldogs last blog post..Irish Stu
August 29th, 2008 at 8:06 am
I’m a vegetarian, but not for the reasons most people are. I just don’t like meat. So I don’t do pamphlets, but I had to laugh. I spent nine months in San Francisco a few years ago and almost got my eye poked out a few times. Great blog you have here.
Amy Derbys last blog post..What’s Your Dream Gig?
August 29th, 2008 at 10:32 am
Robert Walker: The Far Side was awesome. And discussing billions of dollars in terms of pennies may be tedious and unwieldy, but still technically correct.
In a universal big-picture sense there’s nothing wrong with mindless killing. It’s all part of the human experience, something to experience and then learn from. But if it doesn’t fit within your personal truths it’s going to feel like shit.
Whiketywhack: People label others because it’s convenient; you’re right in that labeling is an incomplete way to regard others (and oneself).
Andy: Unless you are the one being eaten, which sort of sucks.
Blogger Dad: Great link. Any time people get cultish about their extreme beliefs it takes away from the underlying message.
CocteauBoy: Some big words for a boy with “cock” in his name! And I didn’t realize I am the first blogger to think up this whole anonymous-identity thing. Thanks for pointing that out!
Suldog: A world paved with roadkill, eh? In that case I’d be making different shoe choices.
Amy: Oh, well, San Francisco. Explains a LOT. Those people are NUTS.
August 29th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
“And discussing billions of dollars in terms of pennies may be tedious and unwieldy, but still technically correct.”
Okay, now, no need to get so defensive…
I was just fucking with you in good fun.
And I think your comment about the universal big-picture is quite insightful.
Cheers.
Robert Walkers last blog post..Our Starting Point
August 30th, 2008 at 6:28 am
So I saw this yesterday. (http://www.cbc.ca/canada/british-columbia/story/2008/08/28/bc-minks-released-aldergrove.html) Basically, animal rights groups broke into a mink farm and let 6,000 minks go. Now, while it seems like a good solution, none of these animals have ever lived outside of the farm. Bunch of them ended up as road kill. Good plan that. It occurs to me that if the animal rights lobby wants to be taken seriously, they should perhaps but some thought into the things they do.
Not totally on topic, I know… but it bugs me. So I’m ranting here rather than on my blog.
Nats last blog post..Butt butt butt
August 30th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
Hmmm.. I was annoyed with this post until you said you are a vegetarian. As an vegetarian it’s frustrating to deal with so much aggression from people who eat meat. I get it they are upset with vegans you try to make them feel bad. but I don’t.. I say do what you want but respect my choice. I also got to add two things all Buddhist are not all vegetarians (of course) and for me being a vegetarian is about doing the lest amount of harm possible… I have to eat and although everything is alive I still believe that animals feel more than plants… also environmentally speaking it meat takes more energy to get out there than plants…so its just putting less of a footprint on the earth.
Echos last blog post..Getting a meditation buddy…
August 30th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Here’s a suggestion to those who want to eat meat, but more mindfully: Local, grass-fed meat. Got a farmer’s market near you? How about a co-op?
Any cow (or buffalo) that has been fed grain has basically been abused. Many people do not know that cows’ stomachs are not designed to digest grain (corn soybeans, the kinds of things they’re fed in feedlots), only grasses. This is easy to research online. Also, feedlots are horrible.
Not all meat is (treated, handled, and processed) equal(ly).
Oh, and grass-fed meat is actually supposed to be much healthier for you.
There are those who refuse to eat animals on ethical grounds, and I respect that. But, for those who do eat meat, there are ways to do it more mindfully, thereby doing better by the animal, yourself, and the environment.
And I recommend “Fast Food Nation” to those who haven’t read it already. Great book.
Robert Walkers last blog post..What is Love?
August 30th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Robert Walker: Fuck with me any day, Please. (That didn’t sound like begging, did it? Unless you go for that sort of thing…)
Nat: PETA is a prime example of good intentions gone totally awry. And humans have been wearing furs for (excuse me, Robert Walker) centuries. Furs of the animals they ate. To survive. Sure, we can eat Cap’n Crunch and Pop Tarts now instead of the flesh of dead animals, but which one seems more like food?
Echo: If everyone was concerned about the footprint they left this would be a very different world.
Robert Walker: In many places you can buy a share of a grass-fed cow etc, entitling you to a freezer full of protein, enough to feed a veritable PETA army or vigilante posse.
August 30th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
Just want to say that I am starting to really enjoy this blog-site, NAB. I love things that make me laugh (in the good way)…like your excuse-me-fur-comment. Nice.
Robert Walkers last blog post..What is Love?
August 30th, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Oh, and please, call me Robert. “Robert Walker” is so formal…
August 31st, 2008 at 9:04 am
I love your candor and humor. People wear movements like cloaks, to validate themselves. Movements by their nature are reductionist. Balance and moderation are the key, and holistic thinking is a premium.
Let’s go for it!
Lynda Lehmanns last blog post..Last Light: A Spiritual Twilight
August 31st, 2008 at 5:47 pm
I laughed out loud when I saw the title for this blog. Last week I posted a comment on my friends blog (an intuitive consultant) with a similar theme. It is about me not being a Buddhist and wanting to kill the vermin bastard mice infesting my house.
I am a hypocrit and I’m sooooooooooooooo ok with it.
Here’s what I wrote………..
I made a decision (I thought a clear decision) about a problem I’ve been having but the Universe is not responding to my intention. I’m getting peeved.
As non-Buddhist and non-Reiki as this may be (I am not Buddhist but am a recovering Catholic. I also practice Reiki), I intended to create a mouse-free house for some time now but the Universe seems intent to create a mouse FULL house for me. So not cool!
Frankly, I’ve been trying to exterminate the buggers for some time and have limited had success but I have stragglers, perhaps psychic vampire mice (?) who have attached themselves to my house. I thought I was clear deciding that the mice should leave but it isn’t working. Surely I must be doing something wrong!
Perhaps my intention to kill the mice is not aligned with my highest path? I dunno. I hope that’s not the case. I openly admit I want the mice to die but I know killing is wrong. Conundrum.
I am not scared of mice (no girlie freak outs here) but since I decided to put my house up for sale, I think it’s likely that a potential home buyer might not appreciate the presence of vermin in my casa.
I have been thinking that perhaps my intention to rid the house of mice in order to sell it was not clear enough considering I am not sure if selling the house at this time is in alignment with my financial state.
And I ponder……………decisions, decisions…UGH!
My Reiki instructor thinks I manifested the mice! E-X-C-U-S-E MOI? I created the mice infestation (ok, perhaps not an infestation but it’s more than one)???? Pulease. Why would I do that?
I plan to have a conscious talk with my sub-conscious and super-conscious later to iron this all out once and for all. oy-veh!
Hear me now Universe: Trickey Mickey Mouse and his friends need to skid-daddle from my casa ASAP!
###
Post Scipt: I haven’t seen the bastard mouse lately but I don’t think it’s dead. DAMN IT! Die Mickey. DIE!
Christa @ http://www.giggleon.com
Christas last blog post..“Peeus Waiticus” aka Waiting to Pee
September 1st, 2008 at 9:40 am
Holy cow, Ms. Bitch. I think I’ve found a new friend in you. Great post. I love swearing, so I commend you on your fine use of the f-bomb and such. I also find it fantastic that this blog post is from a vegetarian. I thought that I’d turn into a vegetarian after reading Upton Sinclair’s “The Jungle,” but luckily I have a tough stomach. I’ve seen “Fast Food Nation” thrown around to gross people out, but I tell you if “The Jungle” didn’t work on me, that book won’t either.
Eva G.s last blog post..Take the good with the bad…
September 1st, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I am pleased to report. Mickey is dead. I dunno about his pals though…….
Christas last blog post..“Peeus Waiticus” aka Waiting to Pee
September 4th, 2008 at 10:19 am
LOL!!! As one of the strict vegetarians in the bunch, I just had to say that I love this post! I will also add that I’m not a vegetarian because of health reasons because I’ll put on a pair of thigh high leather boots in a heartbeat!!!! Mooooooooooooooooo……………
September 4th, 2008 at 10:39 am
Article and comments - damn, this is good stuff!
September 4th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Fuck. I’ve been so enjoying this comment thread I neglected to add to it.
Robert [Walker]: Okay, so you’ve reached the number-of-comments threshold that entitles you to be addressed on a first-name basis.
Lynda: Right. People label themselves and align with movements in order to feel alive and real.
Christa: The mice are clearly doing their jobs and teaching you much! Aren’t you glad you manifested them?
Eva: After dissecting a fertilised egg in grade 9 I didn’t eat eggs for years. We are so adversely affected by changing perspective, aren’t we? That veal scallopini was delicious until we thought about baby cow eyes blinking away tears on the way to the slaughterhouse.
Christa: How do you tell them apart? Oh wait. The ears.
Kila: I hope the boots are red. Red boots are kick-ass.
Psiplex: I know, some fab commenters here, no?
September 7th, 2008 at 6:09 am
Sarah Palin likes Moose and kills her own moose for moose stew.
I am more interested in Sarah Palin stew.
Malicious Intents last blog post..Hubby has a few posts and other plugs.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:58 pm
…”won’t eat anything with eyelashes…” Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ahaha ahahaha aha aha ha….that is the funniest thing I’ve ever read!
September 24th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
[...] department, The Bitch received a death threat in response to her post about vigilante vegetarians. So if you laughed at that post, I have to assume you’re included in the threat. Watch [...]
September 27th, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I’ve been a Buddhist for 40 odd years. I also eat meat. I also like a bit of Canadian whiskey at night. Bad Buddhist? ‘Course not. If you follow the wisdom of the Enlightened One, you know that he expounds that you do what is right for YOU, and interpret the dharma as you see fit. It ain’t about no fun, no nookie or no gentle herb. It is about living your life in a manner that closely echoes your beliefs. Mine are good. I hate tree huggers and animal lovers that dress their “children” up in clothing and such. Or set 6K mink free. It takes away the animals dignity, and is cruel to them.
Good post, NAB. Methinks vegans who go to the extreme of dissing you only want a good medium rare T-bone - one way or the other.
Peace,
Charlie~
Alden Smiths last blog post..Using The AP Stylebook
October 6th, 2008 at 8:54 am
You have to kill animals in order to grow vegetables with the kind of intensive, industrial, monocropping agriculture we do. Even if it was all just backyard gardens, you have to kill bugs to grow a garden and sometimes you wind up killing gophers and moles and wittle runny babbits too. (Props to Shel Silverstein.)
Also, clearing the land to start an agricultural field in the first place is destructive to wildlife, not to mention destroying trees we needed to leave alive because they take carbon out of the atmosphere. Then we plow the ground and that releases even more CO2.
You don’t have to clear anything to raise food animals. Even cattle will graze under trees if the underbrush is not too thick.
On top of that, energy schmenergy–animals can eat things human beings can’t eat, like grass and poison ivy (truth–goats can eat it), thereby turning inedible fodder into edible steak. Right after eating these inedible-to-human foods, they poop, thereby fertilizing the ground that grows the food they eat. Try getting a stalk of broccoli to poop. You can’t do it.
So… I am a meat-eater, and completely unashamed of it. And do NOT buy the idea that plant foods are more eco-friendly.
October 15th, 2008 at 10:52 am
[...] killing mice *Die Mickey, Die* (I am also not a Buddhist) [...]