Apology NOT Accepted!
“Sorry.”
I hate that word.
It’s a beautiful word, when said in sincerity, but frankly the meaning has become fucked up. No one means what they say. It’s rote, routine. Meaningless.
I no longer accept it. I am done, finished, finito, kaput. C’est tout.
Instead, you can just say what you mean: “Fuck you, bitch! I totally meant to pull out in front of you in traffic today because YOU SUCK! And I’m just generally pissed off! For no apparent reason! And apologizing seems to placate you! And saying it makes me socially acceptable instead of being seen as the fucktard asshat I really am!”
There. Doesn’t that feel better? Say what you mean. It’s all there anyway, why hide it?
You know what REALLY pisses me off? Parents who forcibly make their kids apologize. “Johnny, tell Aunt Mimi you’re sorry for scuffing her floor with your shoe!”
Johnny’s not sorry because Johnny had no idea he did anything wrong. Even if he had asked Aunt Mimi why she is so fat he was doing nothing more than being a kid. A curious kid. A kid who wasn’t issued a copy of the Holier-than-Thou Manual of Grownup Social Mores and is clueless about having done something wrong. And even if he did something that he knows is wrong, like, say, breaking one of Aunt Mimi’s 12,000 Precious Moments figurines, why humiliate the kid?
True Story?
Try to imagine The Bitch at age 4. Tiny Bitch. Like most really really smart kids, Tiny Bitch is a little socially retarded. Not a lot of friends at age 4.
So Tiny Bitch is out front in the driveway washing her tricycle, the green one that was a step up from the tiny red one. Its almost time for a two-wheeler with training wheels, but not quite. All Tiny Bitch has is her tricycle, and she’s fucking proud of it. Mom and Dad wash their car, so why not wash that tricycle? The garden hose is handy for that sort of thing.
Here comes Prissy, the 3-year old baby next door. Tiny Bitch knows Prissy is a bit of a weenie and a baby, so she doesn’t usually do more than ignore her. But Prissy is interested in the tricycle-washing process. It’s fascinating, really, this idea of washing one’s tricycle.
So Prissy comes back over pushing her own tricycle.
Tiny Bitch has warmed up a bit to Prissy by this point and is feeling magnanimous. Handling a garden hose in the warm sunshine can have that effect. Tiny Bitch is feeling so magnanimous, in fact, that she wants to help Prissy wash her tricycle. Tiny Bitch and Prissy, they’re bonding now. Over tricycles. And a garden hose. It’s really quite a beautiful thing, this thing they’ve got going.
Prissy isn’t very good with the hose. She accidentally sprays Tiny Bitch a tiny, wee bit. Tiny Bitch thinks this is funny. After all, she’s the one who makes real pies out of dirt and mud sometimes; why wouldn’t playing with water out there in the warm sunshine also be fun?
Tiny Bitch takes the hose.
She sprays Prissy with it, a lot. Tiny Bitch is laughing because she knows Prissy knows how much fun this is. It’s warm outside and they have bonded in the sunshine. With the tricycles. And the hose.
Prissy’s laughter stops. Her face gets red and twisted. She looks funny. She runs away.
Tiny Bitch finishes washing her tricycle, alone. She wonders where Prissy went.
Mom comes out, her lips pressed in a white line. She grabs Tiny Bitch by the arm, just above the elbow. It almost hurts. She makes Tiny Bitch walk up to the door of Prissy’s house, the house next door. Tiny Bitch has never been to that door and she is feeling scared, a little. The door opens. An angry lady stands there, waiting for something. Mom tells Tiny Bitch to say some words and she says them. Robot. A scared robot.
Then Tiny Bitch has to put her tricycle away, and the hose. She knows she will never be washing her tricycle again. But what happened? They were having fun.
And yeah, The Bitch has gotten over it, thanks for asking.
“Sorry?” Nine times out of ten, maybe more, it means shit.
Someone dies? We say “sorry.” As if that could possibly convey the enormous amount of grief and pain people feel at such times. And hell, maybe we’re not actually sorry, maybe the guy was an asshole and there’s this sense of relief (mixed with shock, dismay, and a distorted reminder of one’s own mortality) that he’s not going to be telling his stupid blonde jokes in the office anymore, but we can’t say that. It isn’t “done.”
We also say sorry for running out of potato chips. Or for stepping on someone’s foot accidentally. Or for running over their cat. See any problem with this meaningless one-size-fits-all word?
I do. And I’m over it.
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Simple. And don’t fucking apologize to me unless you mean it.
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September 2nd, 2008 at 10:02 pm
You swear like a sailor, but you’re a hell of a writer.
Writer Dads last blog post..Wiped Out and Ready For More
September 3rd, 2008 at 9:54 am
Let me know where I can ship ya’s a fancy fire-hose, so you can hook up to your nearest hydrant and start hosing down all the monkeys (let Little Bitch out to play).
The Mad Celts last blog post..GNASHING ME
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:05 am
Great story/analogy…Hell, if you ever run into Prissy again, just piss on her and tell her your sorry. “I’m so sorry that I intentionally emptied my bladder in your mouth.”
September 3rd, 2008 at 10:42 am
I hated “proper manners” when I was a kid–precisely because they were pushed on me without explanation. They seemed like these meaningless words that I’d be judged and reprimanded for not using. It wasn’t until I was an adult that I realized they were supposed to have something to do with being nice to people….
YogaforCynicss last blog post..It’s So Cold In Alaska….
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:18 pm
I had (note tense) a friend who used to be sorry for everything — seriously, didn’t matter what it was that had happened in your life she’d be sorry. I decided it was code for let’s talk about my problems now.
So when on of our mutual friend’s had a death in the family, I told her I felt I shoud I say I was sorry (and I actually was saddened by the news) but felt the word had lost it’s meaning.
Great minds…
Nats last blog post..Not so little any more…
September 3rd, 2008 at 12:31 pm
In the “old days” parents used to let kids work out their own
problems with other kids. They didn’t interfere as much as they
do today. We’re all trying to be Super Parents and too perfect.
PlantBuddys last blog post..Garden Sculptures Tell a Tale
September 3rd, 2008 at 3:15 pm
“I’m sorry” is probably the most overused words in the English language.
Well, besides “No honey, you look fine in that”
Slicks last blog post..Women’s Role Models….
September 3rd, 2008 at 8:47 pm
WriterDad: Sailors swear?! Who knew!
Mad Celt: I’ve always wanted to play with a big hose.
RedRaider: Prissy’s probably fat by now. And it probably wasn’t even her fault.
YogaforCynics: Even with explanation, kids are often mystified. Grown-up rules just don’t make that much sense.
Nat: …think alike! See?? We’re even finishing each other’s sentences!
Slick: *I* look awesome in that, thank you!
September 3rd, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Plant Buddy: Why did Akismet flag you? Weird. Yeah, well, it’s time parents just handed out their choice of weapon to kids and let them go at it. Natural selection.
September 4th, 2008 at 1:39 am
Great post, I love the casual style of your words. I could almost picture tiny bitch, a cute image, washing the tricycle. The line, It’s really quite a beautiful thing, this thing they’ve got going is also great.
On to the topic: Two of my closest friends died a few years apart and everyone I knew consoled me with those words, ‘I’m sorry.’ The problem with saying ‘I’m sorry’ about a death is that you put the person you are consoling in the uncomfortable position of having to somehow acknowledge your apology. And what is the first thing we say when responding to an apology?
Friend – “Sorry about Bill dropping dead.”
Me – “It’s okay.”
Yes, I actually said, ‘IT’S OKAY!’ Of course, it’s not okay, BILL IS DEAD! Might want to ask Bill if it’s ‘OKAY!’ Talk about feeling like a douchebag.
Woops, I’m just going on and on here.
Sorry.
Blogger Dads last blog post..The history of every day
September 4th, 2008 at 8:03 am
I think most people try to use ‘I’m sorry’ as a way to empathize.
I know I’m guilty of saying I’m sorry a lot. I always mean it when I say it, but at the same time I need to learn to stop doing the things that are causing me to have to say I’m sorry.
I do know how you feel though..I have run into the people that you’re talking about, and they always irritate me.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:17 am
Hi there – i found your blof through Blogger Dad. So glad I did. Great writing. Am going to add to my faves and I’ll be back for sure.
Mom/Mums last blog post..Mummy Guilt
September 4th, 2008 at 10:19 am
I meant ‘blog’ obviously…sorry. Am over-caffeinated.
Mom/Mums last blog post..Mummy Guilt
September 4th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Blogger Dad: Dude. You rock. You’re absolutely right; that’s our lock-step reaction when someone says “I’m sorry.” We have to respond with “That’s okay,” even when it is clearly not. How retarded is that?
Becki: It’s a social thing. Like “How are you?” “Fine”. We’re not fine, not always, but we’re not really allowed to say anything other than that.
Mom/Mum: Cool. I’ll look for you. And “blof” is actually a better word than “blog.” Blog always sounded like what’s left over when the cat barfs.
September 4th, 2008 at 10:28 am
A lot of power in your writing. You have the energy that often leads to real discovery in life. You have he ability to peel away layers of illusion and present what is visceral and real. You have the innate gift of becoming a leader and guide for others. All depends on your use of your gift and how much illusion you can shed in your own journey.
One Love
September 4th, 2008 at 11:28 am
And one I just hate is people who start a sentence with, “I’m sorry, but….(whatever hateful thing they wanted to say in the first place)..” Oh yes, you still get credit for being proper and holier-than-thou because you APOLOGIZED before you bitched!
Thanks for the LOL funny stuff, and I’ll definitely add you to my lunchtime reads!
RandomReflections last blog post..Google Chrome – Seems great so far!
September 7th, 2008 at 5:33 am
Shit man, I’m sorry that your mom didn’t understand that you was only playing and that dumb Prissy was really the cause of the whole fiasco, but look on the bright side, at least it gave you the ammo for a great post. See, every cloud does have a silver lining.
Sires last blog post..Are You Maintaining Your Blog’s Profitability?
September 7th, 2008 at 5:40 am
I swear like a sailer too, and I don’t appologzie for it. Words are just words, nothing more. And if the four letter variety get my point across in the manner I am trying to do in written language, so be it.
I could not agree with you more about the whole word “sorry.” See I have a son with a severe disability and I HATE when fuckers say “Oh, I am so sorry.” Sorry for what? For my son not being like yours? Fuck you. I am not here for a pitty party. How about saying something like. “Wow, you have done a great job, how can I get involved.” That is real. Sorry, is just piss water.
I’ll dig around more as I have time. Which I seem to have plenty of since we are just hanging out today. (It is double race day,thanks to Hanna, therefore….not much for me to do except the laundry.)
Malicious Intents last blog post..Hubby has a few posts and other plugs.
September 7th, 2008 at 7:14 am
I think I’m just wired differently. I say sorry a lot, but I mean it when I say it. And people will tell me that no, I don’t. That if I fucking meant it I wouldn’t have done what I was apologizing for in the first place.
That’s fucked. Why the hell even have the word? Stuff gets lost in translation. That’s how our brain works. A word goes through at least 10 different meanings until we get the one we think is right. And when we miss something, we apologize. I miss stuff a lot, I apologize a lot. I mean it. Don’t tell me what I mean, you don’t even know.
Your blog is really cool, though.
I likes the personal touch.
Corey Freemans last blog post..How to Experiment on Your Blog
October 14th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I love this post because it is absolutely true. Sorry has just become a word we use to quickly get beyond a bad situation whether we feel it or not. When I was a child, I remember my folks forcing me to say that I was “sorry”. One day I told my Mom, “When I grow up and have kids I’m never going to make them say sorry, because I’M NOT!”
AngieSSs last blog post..I’ve Been Dubbed The Queen Of Snarky!