The Gratitude Thing: Oprah Was Wrong.
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Oprah totally screwed me over once. Damn her.
It was the Gratitude Journal. Are you familiar with this concept? Let me tell you how it works. Every day, before you go to bed, you write down in a special little book all the stuff you are grateful for that day. You write and write and write every day, filling page after page with all the stuff that happens to you each and every day that you are grateful for. If you do this, the idea is that you’ll be concentrating on all the “good” stuff in your life. Your friend Mr. Law of Attraction says that as ye sow, so shall ye reap (which loosely translated means “you get what you put out”), so if you are squinching your eyes tight shut and repeating “I am grateful for my shitty life I am grateful for my shitty life I am grateful for my shitty life” then guess what? You get exactly what you ask for. Yes! More shitty life for you!
When you finally gather the strength to admit to yourself that you’re not really all that happy about some of the elements of your shitty life, and you’re not particularly grateful for your shitty life (in fact you might even be a little pissed off about it), then all you really have left is to feel guilt for not feeling grateful for your shitty life. Not only are you forced to admit to yourself that you indeed have a shitty life, but you now get to feel guilty about not feeling gratitude for your own shit.
Double whammy.
Thanks, Oprah. Here’s a double dish of my shitty life* for you.
The Bitch made it through two pages of her own personal Gratitude Journal, pages which still reek of denial and hypocrisy even today, years and years later. Two pages before she gave it up.
Gratitude. It’s great in concept, but it really sucks when it’s used as something to create even more guilt. Like you need more guilt.
The thing is, we get sucked into feeling like we should be grateful for the stuff in our lives, even the stuff we’re sort of on the fence about. Maybe it’s not outright shitty, but it smells a little. We trick ourselves into thinking that if only we felt grateful enough for it, this ambivalence would magically clear itself up and we could feel good about this maybe-shitty-maybe-not stuff in our lives.
“But Bitch,” I can hear you whining in the background, a persistent little drone of uncertainty, “I really DO feel grateful for a lot of the stuff in my life, really I do! Maybe not all of it, but some! Can’t I be grateful for that? Don’t I get Jebus Points for all my good stuff that I really feel good about?”
Sure you do.
But how do you know the difference between the truly good stuff and all that other stuff that you’ve been training yourself to feel good about?
How do you tell the difference? Especially when you’ve taught yourself to feel guilty when you doubt your own inner voice?
Yo. I told you before that The Bitch has access to the Eternal Book of Everything, so here’s a little wee page from that book, just for you:
If it feels good, it is good.
See? Simple.
The trick (and there’s always a trick, isn’t there?) is knowing what is “good.”
Here’s what good is not:
1. Good is not what your mother told you it was.
2. Good is not what you read in a book.
3. Good is not what your friend told you.
4. Good is not what the Dead Ghost of Baby Jebus rose up from the foot of your bed one night and told you.
5. Good is what you yourself know it to be. What you examine inside and out, what you doubt all the ways you know how, what you take a good hard look at any way you can just inside yourself and consulting no one else, not even The Bitch, and come out the other side still feeling really good about.
That is good.
And you are, each of you, capable of knowing what good is, and what to be grateful for, and what not to be. Each of you knows this if you only stop asking around, asking Oprah and asking your next-door neighbor who you suspect may be getting Oxycontin in the mail and asking your dentist with the slightly oniony breath and smooth firm fingers and asking your spouse lying there making an impression on the pillow next to you and asking your kids your dog your brother your shaman your Eckhart Tolle your Twitter your reflection in the mirror asking anybody except you. Because you are the only one who knows what good is and what to be grateful for.
So fucking trust yourself.
The end.
P.S. When and if you are truly sure that there is something in your life that is good and you feel truly good about feeling grateful for that thing, go ahead and write it down if you still feel like you need to. Frankly, though, after getting to that point of knowing what’s good, you’ve already done all the “work” and a silly little Gratitude Journal isn’t going to make it any better than you’ve already made it all by yourself.
You didn’t need Oprah after all.
*The Bitch does not have a shitty life. Not any more. Matter of perspective. The Bitch has created every inch and centimeter of her life and it’s very, very good except when dealing with a technical crisis, in which case The Bitch allows a slight tinge of whine to come into her voice before consulting her cat.
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September 5th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who Oprah’s gratitude journal concept drove to borderline-batshit-crazy rants. I actually did the online edition, when she first came out with it in 1999 or whenever. (I was a receptionist then. A very bored receptionist.) I’m probably one of very few Chicago folks who harbors a genuine dislike for Oprah in general, but the gratitude journal thing really does suck. (So does her book club.) [/endrant]
Amy Derbys last blog post..Fiction Friday: What the Dope Was, and other stories
September 5th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
GREAT POST! I loathe that “Secret” “Law of Attraction” crap that Oprah and her Cult of Zero Personality drones are pimping. In my opinion, tt’s nothing more than a MARKETING SCHEME designed to exploit people with low self esteem or in a bad situation.
Now, if it helps some people, fine, enjoy your re-packaged words of phony “wisdom passed down through the ages, blah blah”. But it isn’t much different from most of the other self help crap out there, which is to say, nothing but a scam designed to get you to BUY more stuff, PAY to go to seminars, PAY for workshops, PAY for DVD’s, PAY for guru “life coaches”, PAY for books on CD. PAY PAY PAY PAY to support the lifestyles of the people pimping the stuff.
Speaking of pimping, I am going to go out on a limb here to pimp a comic storyline I did satirizing “The Secret.” I don’t normally throw links to my own stuff out there on other people’s blogs, but your rant is right on point and in line with my own rants on the subject. I think you’ll dig it. Feel free to delete the link if you like, I won’t take offense.
The story is about 5 comics or so, which start here:
http://takingupspace.keenspot.com/d/20070228.html
thanks again for another GREAT post!
BloggerDads last blog post..When worlds collide
September 5th, 2008 at 11:09 pm
GREAT POST! I loathe that “Secret” “Law of Attraction” crap that Oprah and her Cult of Zero Personality drones are pimping. In my opinion, it’s nothing more than a MARKETING SCHEME designed to exploit people with low self esteem or in a bad situation.
Now, if it helps some people, fine, enjoy your re-packaged words of phony “wisdom passed down through the ages, blah blah”. But it isn’t much different from most of the other self help crap out there, which is to say, nothing but a scam designed to get you to BUY more stuff, PAY to go to seminars, PAY for workshops, PAY for DVD’s, PAY for guru “life coaches”, PAY for books on CD. PAY PAY PAY PAY to support the lifestyles of the people pimping the stuff.
Speaking of pimping, I am going to go out on a limb here to pimp a comic storyline I did satirizing “The Secret.” I don’t normally throw links to my own stuff out there on other people’s blogs, but your rant is right on point and in line with my own rants on the subject. I think you’ll dig it. Feel free to delete the link if you like, I won’t take offense.
The story is about 5 comics or so, which start here:
http://takingupspace.keenspot.com/d/20070228.html
thanks again for another GREAT post!
BloggerDads last blog post..When worlds collide
September 6th, 2008 at 4:29 am
Who is this “Oprah” you speak of? I take no ones advice (maybe that has been a bad thing sometimes) but I do follow my gut and it has rarely failed me. Ok, it did one night a friends house, but her cooking was “NOT GOOD.”
I would also like to point out that this Oprah being is not aware of blogging…where you can talk about good, bad, shitty or borderline things in your life while using pictures of dogs licking their nuts from the google image search engine to help get your point across AND get feed back from total strangers who will basically tell you how it is without fear of hurting your feelings or having their car keyed. You also save paper and the environment.
Nice blog post,
thanks!
M.I.
If it feels good, it is good - I like this little quote and believe it. I also like
“Is someone shows you who they are, believe them.” In other words, if someone shows themselves to be an ass, believe them. Only they can truly tell/show you who they are.
Maliciousi Intents last blog post..Hospitals Suck. Period.
September 6th, 2008 at 9:09 am
Yeah, I know it’s not my style to say such things, but the Secret sucks ball sack.
Writer Dads last blog post..Poop. Put it in the Potty
September 6th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Amy: I thought Oprah was elevated to saint status in Chicago. You heathen!
Blogger Dad: All true, because *I* have the “real” Secret. I will tell you what it is for a small fee. Worth every penny.
Maliciousi: I’m fascinated by your concept that blogging won’t get your car keyed. I need to use that somehow. Hmm…
Writer Dad: I’m telling the Blog Police that you used a naughty word.
September 6th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Oh blogging can get your car keyed, if you want to hand out our personal information like addresss, phone and SS number. (Which you can email to me privately, honest I won’t share it!) Those bloggers who like to hand out such informaiton should have their car keyed for being that stupid.
Otherwise, it would be a difficult task. Especially if the person interested in keying said car lives 5 states away. I mean, who can afford the gas for such frivilous endevours anymore. Damn economy.
Maliciousi Intents last blog post..Hubby has two new posts up.
September 6th, 2008 at 11:32 am
I am grateful I don’t watch Oprah anymore. Silly marketing cults… gah!
Nats last blog post..Not so little any more…
September 6th, 2008 at 11:42 am
P.S. I forgot…I plugged you today and added to my blogroll. Hope you don’t mind.
Maliciousi Intents last blog post..Hubby has a few posts and other plugs.
September 6th, 2008 at 2:01 pm
So you’re saying the ghost of baby Jesus lied to me?
Jenny, Bloggesss last blog post..This is the third post I’ve written today and I want a medal (alternate title - How to deal with trolls)
September 6th, 2008 at 2:35 pm
after reading the post and the comments i feel shitier! and if that feels good, it is good. i am grateful.
how can one feel good when one is feeling shitty? because the growth process usually makes one feel shitty for awhile. growth is good.
every year i have a motto. not that i narrowly follow it but folks who know me know the motto and come prepared to expound upon it. that turns out to be good. this year my motto has been “the brain only gets in the way” or avoid paralysis due to over-analysis.
i AM grateful to read this post. i feel better after proofing my comment. i feel good one more time. as i proof this comment one more time it is a bit wacky sounding. rest assured it is sincere. i hope my feeling good makes everyone here a little giddy.
PRands last blog post..Puma. Endangered species.
September 6th, 2008 at 6:47 pm
Seems that sometimes knowing and evaluating what is good can be a quick process as the intuition kicks in and looks at it in its 360, all angles, surround sound, armor piercing gyno exam. What gets through is usually nutritious and beneficial. Sure it can be fooled, but it is good at filtering out the occasional Oprah on a Roaprah.
Not so concerned with the good that can be discerned, but the bad creeping up the blind side at the absolute most wrong moment. A good scwacking with the bad stick can be so upending that the trepidation for more of it in the future is enough to have one looking for evil little demi-oprahs under the bed.
If it feels good it is good has a lot of merit as running the spuck through your intuition and body feel sensors can produce respectable results.
September 6th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
I kicked the Oprah Show to the kerb a long time ago. I figure it caused just as much harm as good as there were probably a lot of people who were completely content with there lives before they watched the show and were then brainwashed into believing that their lives were less than perfect.
Personally, my life may not be the best, but there are so many people worse off than me that I can actually feel grateful for what I do have.
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September 6th, 2008 at 8:13 pm
“*The Bitch does not have a shitty life. Not any more. Matter of perspective. The Bitch has created every inch and centimeter of her life and it’s very, very good except when dealing with a technical crisis, in which case The Bitch allows a slight tinge of whine to come into her voice before consulting her cat.”
This is the part I liked the best. Life is much simpler with that perspective.
I love Oprah. Not a TV watcher and didn’t really even know who she was (well other than her celebrity status) till this spring when Tolle was with her on webcasts.
Unless I missed something, this post didn’t seem too much about her, was it?
Seths last blog post..Do You Believe In Yourself? Don’t Ask Me
September 6th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
Maliciousi: You sure know a lot about car keying… hmm…
Nat: The thing I like about Oprah is that she makes things more accessible to people who might not otherwise run across them. Like Eckhart Tolle. It’s watered down, but I think she has good intent. And knows how to turn a buck.
Jenny: That was *your* ghost of baby Jesus who lied to you. Mine gives me insider trading information.
PRand: Yeah, it’s good sometimes not to over-think things too much. We tend to get in our own way doing that.
Psiplex: There’s a LOT to be said for following your intuition.
Sire: I don’t mind the general content of what Oprah presents, and again I think she helps a lot of people, but I mind it when people give their own power away to Oprah or to anyone. People are too quick to look for answers outside themselves.
September 6th, 2008 at 11:14 pm
Seth: We’re all creating our lives. Some people just notice it more than others. [shrug]
September 7th, 2008 at 9:40 am
Car keying, blow torching, chainsaws….let’s do lunch.
Maliciousi Intents last blog post..Hubby has a few posts and other plugs.
September 7th, 2008 at 11:40 am
love this!
hate oprah. other than all the good things she does - but forcing dr phil and rachel ray on the world? bad oprah. not cool.
gathering.dusts last blog post..yay for sundays!
September 7th, 2008 at 11:56 am
What is a Conflict? And no. I am not talking of the Yom Kippur War or Iraq.
By the way: Here is the Yom Kippur war:
The Yom Kippur War, Ramadan War or October War (Hebrew: מלחמת יום הכיפורים;
transliterated: Milkhemet Yom HaKipurim or מלחמת יום כיפור, Milkhemet Yom Kipur; Arabic:
حرب أكتوبر; transliterated: ħarb October or حرب تشرين, ħarb Tishrin), also known as the 1973
Arab-Israeli War and the Fourth Arab-Israeli War… more
Yom Kippur war was an attack - on Israel- from 3 sides. I am talking of the war from two sides.
Ironically, the war from 2 sides is a never ending war. Its a Conflict. So, it has to have 2 actors - 2 players. Here are the warrior factions:
1.
The mind
2.
The Heart
Let me explain:
*
In the night when no one is listening: its the heart that’s doing the talking
*
But suddenly, there is a voice - the one that justifies. It starts with the sound of —– BUT ————
SO the conflict = Difference between the above two voices.
Funny, thing is : you don’t even need a Bible or Torah. Geeta or Koran.
You have those 2 actors - inside - built-in - by Design.
So, now we know what a Conflict is :We are ready to answer : what is Confusion:
Confusion = Not knowing which voice to suppress?
Food for thought - a talk with you - Tonight:
Are you clear or confused ? Wait a minute: Are you in a conflict?
Before you answer : Answer this: Who are you answering this - TO ?
You are the receiver and the Transmitter. No one’s listening. Are you?
Between the two voices: One is called Psychology - and the other Philosophy.
The place where Psychology meets Philosophy is called - YOU.
Are you listening to YOU? Are you free from YOU? -
If not then who are you listening to ?
If you are in doubt : Consult You. I know. I know. There is a but - impeding YOU ..Now, Some Hints for you:
1.
You won’t find the answer in any book. No Bible. No Koran. No Torah, will tell you - you.
2.
Before you label it outlandish : let me ask you : Is admonishion = an answer? Hint: Thou Shalt NOT -> Is an admonishion.. Is it not?
3.
What is answer ? –> Here it is : An Answer = One that resolves the Anxiety.
Finally: Are you - now - going to read the book called YOU?
Warning: Don’t be sorry -> Everyone has the But - Inside. Its called the “Intelligent Design”///
PS: This is 100 % original, no copy, no paste -> not even - inspiration - and/or perspiration
Cheers
Olga Lednichenko
Olga Lednichenkos last blog post..Olga Math: Confusion is Not Conflict. One is bad. The other worse: Olga Lednichenko
September 7th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
I don’t watch Oprah, but that is so boring! Who wants to look back on all the things we’re grateful for anyway? I want a journal jam-packed with scandal and evil thoughts!
September 7th, 2008 at 10:56 pm
So maybe its good we don’t have the Oprah show in Norway then
I think good is to be yourself as long as you don’t harm anyone.
Thanks for the shout at BlogCatalog. You are welcome back to Norway any time and in the mean time, you can always read about it on my blog.
Wish you a lovely week
RennyBAs last blog post..Bergen in Norway with Fish Market and Edvard Grieg
September 8th, 2008 at 11:27 am
I just found this blog. Absolutely excellent bitching! You know the Internet needs all the bitches it can get.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Hey Blogger Dad, I have to disagree with you. I find that The Law of Attraction actually does work. It does for me. It’s for real. I’m amazed at how quickly, but you have to be a positive kind of person.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Hey Blogger Dad, I have to disagree with you. I find that The Law of Attraction actually does work. It does for me. It’s for real. I’m amazed at how quickly, but you have to be a positive kind of person.
PlantBuddys last blog post..Tulips in Containers for Spring
September 9th, 2008 at 3:11 am
is it possible for a bitch and a bastard to become one?
September 9th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
Maliciousi: Lunch. You buy.
Gathering.Dust: Is Oprah responsible for Rachael Ray?? I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. (Is Rachael Ray actually a person or just a dumb perky robot?)
Olga: …..what?
AV Flox: So you’re saying that you singlehandedly are keeping journalism alive? Awesome.
RennyBA: But you have Kit Kats in Norway, or at least their equivalent. That’s important.
Omniscient: I support the Bitching of the Intarwebs, absolutely.
Plant Buddy: I hear that repeating affirmations really works!
Mr. Bastard: We are ALL one.
September 9th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
PlantBuddy- Like I said in my comment, if it helps some people, fine. For the record, I am a positive kind of person.
Blogger Dads last blog post..Eight Questions - Interview with Tara Cain
September 11th, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I think you my be a genius!