Sing along with the Bitch: Creating Your Reality

September 17th, 2008 by bitch

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As you know, I exist to enlighten you heathens from the bullshit that lies amid the fucked-up swill that is the New Age and self-help movement. (Doesn’t the phrase “New Age” make you want to throw up a little? I can barely type it without losing my breakfast into my laptop. Ditto “self-help.” Fuck that.) My modus operandi is a little like decorating a golden brick with lotus flowers and then smashing your brains out with it. Whatever works, that’s my motto, even if it requires reconstructive brain surgery afterward. Whatever. It’s your brain, not mine. You asked for enlightenment, right?

Today’s topic: your thoughts create your reality. Change your thoughts, change your life!

If there wasn’t some truth to this, why would you be reading a bitch like me?

But here’s the problem: far more often than creating something empowering from this concept, people use it to punish themselves.  They say, “Oh, well, this shitty dumbass thing happened to me, so I must have created it.  I am a bad person for creating this bad thing in my life!”  Or they say, “I had a desire to slip an overdose of laxatives into that arrogant prick’s morning coffee today, so I must not be a loving person. Oh no! I must control my thoughts!”   Or, “I’m feeling shitty, and I had all these bad thoughts about myself, so I need to clench my butt cheeks and think only happy-Oprah* thoughts!”

Notice a thread here?  Control.   It’s all about control, people.

Yes, your thoughts do have an effect on you and on your life. But you can’t control them. You can’t control your emotions, either. Most of the time we can’t even control our bodies. I know how my body reacts when a spandex-clad** aging crooner starts singing “Feelings.”  Can’t control it.  And it isn’t pretty. (That sound you’re hearing now?  Ever hear a cat about to throw up?  ulp.ulp.ulp.ulp.  You hear it and you know what’s coming and there’s no way in hell to stop it.  Splat!  It’s a little like that, times about a thousand.)

Here’s an experiment to show you that you can’t control your thoughts.  Ready?  Okay:  do not think about red monkeys.  Do. Not. Think about red monkeys.

You can’t think about anything BUT red monkeys right now, can you?  There’s fucking red monkeys ALL OVER THE PLACE.  See?  And trying to NOT think about something only makes that thing more present.  Go play this with someone else and have some fun.

Do you know why you like The Bitch? Because I don’t try to control my thoughts. They are the same thoughts that you have and don’t admit to having—and you laugh because you’re seeing that they’re not so bad after all. (Though hopefully you’re not thinking about spandex men singing “Feelings”. Then you’d really be kind of fucked up and I’m not sure I want to know you.)

This isn’t to say that we’re helpless peons at the unholy mercy of our fucked-up thoughts and feelings. Of course there is choice and free will and all that.

But you want to know a secret?  Lean in a little closer.

If someone tells you to control yourself – or your thoughts – they are trying to control you.

Oh fuck, I don’t mean the Vulcan Mind Meld or anything.  No one is trying to turn you into a fucking robot.  But asking you, expecting you, to change your thoughts is a subtle form of control.

It’s brainwashing, people. Wipe you clean, ma’am?  If you can get people to try to do something impossible, like controlling the uncontrollable, of course they’ll come back time and again asking for more help and advice. Side of fries with that brainwash?  And you give them your power, willingly, because you feel like a failure.  You buy into the idea that you need to put away a part of yourself in order to feel accepted.  You try and you try and you try, failing every time (because you’re trying to do the impossible), and every time wondering what more you could have done.  You give away more and more of your own power every time you do this.

The bitch does not want your power. I totally deserve your worship, but only because I’m helping you become enlightened. No one deserves your power.  No one except you.  I help you find your own inner Bitch, and for that I of course have your undying endless gratitude.  Also you can send money.

Back to the whole “you create your own reality” thing. Does the Bitch disagree with that concept? Of course not. Look at the reality I’m creating for you right here. No spandex, for one thing.  Freedom of thought and expression.  Feel how good it is to call me a bitch?  Go on, say it.  You know you want to.  And then say “fuck.”  Right out loud.  And then say, “I am perfect.”  (Because you know I am.)(And more importantly, I know I am.)

But even though my words say something else, the Bitch isn’t about ego. The Bitch is about honesty, about calling things for what they are, and about having fun at the same time. That’s my reality.

What’s yours?

*That’s the thin Oprah, obviously.

**Yet another type of control.  And while a nice pair of Spanx cures a lot of ills, nothing can make “Feelings” palatable.

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19 Responses to “Sing along with the Bitch: Creating Your Reality”

  1. Alexander M Zoltai Says:

    Yep, honest stuff.

    And to think it took me 62 years to fully come to these conclusions. Plus, as a cosmic present, I stumbled on something called Morita Therapy the other day and got to combine its major thrust with my hard-won street-knowledge about thinking’s control as well as feeling’s control (not the song…).

    A bit of Japanese wisdom from Morita Therapy [please understand I\'m an elderly man who\'s worked very hard to attain my status a bastard-in-residence so I\'m not claiming adherence with Morita, just finding rapport]:
    “Feelings are Uncontrollable.
    “There is an assumption behind many Western therapeutic methods that it is necessary to change or modify our feeling state before we can take action. We assume that we must ‘overcome’ fear to dive into a pool, or develop confidence so we can make a public presentation. But in actuality, it is not necessary to change our feelings in order to take action. In fact, it is our efforts to change our feelings that often makes us feel even worse.”

    ~ Alex from Our Evolution

    p.s. Thanks for being a straight-shooter !

    Alexander M Zoltais last blog post..Path Toward Peace – Step One

  2. Psiplex Says:

    The one black female kitty has a longer trigger. ulp.ulp.ulp.ulp, ulp.ulp.ulp.ulp, splat, back-up, back-up, scurry away. Past the first set of ulp.ulp.ulp.ulp, I can usually get a tripe paper towel under her barf cannon and save the carpet, sometimes not, but I use cleanup time to be present with the cat hash and stained carpet. The fat boy kitty is straight ulp.ulp.ulp.ulp-splat!, very fast trigger, no paper towels, no joy. Try to control my thoughts about his lack of control but just lose control over the fact that his trigger is way quick.

    When the spirit is beat up, one can easily feel like circumstances are one’s own fortune and fault. Illness and loss can do it, trauma can and a long time spent with monkey mind reruns (not red monkeys-just garden variety ones) will do it. Each of us has to realize the during this time of trekking the dirt ball, we are fulfilling the purpose of being here. Each individual being is part of the all, the is, the one and each of us smells really bad at some time in our journey. so what. This stretch is so relatively short that it is best to be bitch-like and be your own ‘is’, because just by that, you are already perfect in that.

  3. Christa Says:

    On one hand, I agree that we can’t control our thoughts. On the other hand, I totally believe we can.

    I used to live in a world of “I suck”. It was a world I created. I would repeat “I suck”, “I’m fat”, “I’m ugly”, “I’m stupid”, “I’m cursed” over and over and over until I believed that string of shit 150%.

    I am absolutely convinced my thoughts (and stress resulting from those thoughts) created a shit storm of physical problems for myself years ago.

    I spent years wanting to die and thinking life was a jail.

    If I didn’t believe I could control my own thoughts, I would be in a pine box 6 feet under right now.

    I do agree that many people use the concept of “thoughts create reality” to punish themselves and judging and beating ourselves up is never fun (at least in my book). My recent blog, A Tale of Two Ovaries, (not a shameless plug, I really just posted it yesterday) discusses this very concept.

    I no longer think I suck. I’m fantabulous!

    Giggle On, Over

    Christas last blog post..A Tale of Two Ovaries

  4. ssgreylord Says:

    there’s nothing worse than a suck-up, but god i love your blog.

    “if someone tells you to control yourself – or your thoughts – they are trying to control you.”

    amen. standing ovation. bravo!

    p.s. i know how you feel about punctuation, but don’t hate me because i loathe capital letters… (you probably have something to say about p.s.’s as well.)

  5. qma Says:

    Just found your blog… very interesting. Love (a strong word, I know) the Bitch.

  6. Maliciousi Intent Says:

    Truth is good. Shame folks don’t get that. Being honest with yourself is kinda important, otherwise it’s called denile…such an ugly thing.

    Loved the red monkey thing, but for some reason I went straight to flying monkeys from OZ. Oh well….must have taken something powerful to kill the spandex men singing “Feelings”. That was just wrong….feeling…fur…ball….

    Maliciousi Intents last blog post..Catching Up

  7. Jeff Baker Says:

    You are one cool bitch and I so glad to meet you. I really agree with you on the whole control thing. By agreeing with you, I am not allowing you to control me :) Peace — jb

  8. Heather Says:

    This is my first visit…I’ve been reading for 35 minutes, and have to say I will return to see what comes next!

    I agree and disagree with your post…we can’t control our thoughts and emotions but in the same breath we have to learn to control our thoughts and emotions in certain situations or aspects of our life…or we may end up where we don’t want to be!!

    Great blog…

    Heathers last blog post..Hello…

  9. bitch Says:

    Alexander: You have like the best last name EVER. Plus you said some cool stuff. Good website, too. People! Go visit the Zoltai!

    Psiplex: I had one that would do it at night, on my bed. She trained me to wake up before the 4th ulp and rush her to the easier-to-clean hard-surface floor in the bathroom. Usually. Then she would saunter casually away as if nothing had happened. Bitch.

    Christa: Yo, I hear you. We can tell that voice in our head to suck it. But someone else telling us to tell that voice in our head to suck it, even if well-meaning, feels like controlling. Change can only come from within. And yes, you are fantabulous!

    ssgreylord: I adore P.S.’s.

    qma: I also adore strong words. Obviously. Why hold back?

    Maliciousi: Your monkeys can fly, why not? Those OZ monkeys were freaking SCARY.

    Jeff: It’s your choice to agree with me or not. But if you don’t, I will CRUSH YOUR HEAD.

    Heather: There are never any wrong choices in the larger picture, but some choices can feel pretty shitty for awhile.

  10. Amy Derby Says:

    If you were gay and I believed in marriage (gay or otherwise) I would so propose to you. That is all.

    (See how twitter has ruined me for any conversation over 140 characters? it’s just wrong)

    Amy Derbys last blog post..Stupid Blogger Netiquette #407 (the Great Platitudists of Blogland Strike Again)

  11. bitch Says:

    Amy: If you can’t say it in 140 characters or less it’s not worth saying. Or something. P.S. How do you know I’m not gay?

  12. KTP Says:

    OMG Who ARE you? I must know.

    KTPs last blog post..People Are Weird

  13. LALALALALA I can’t HEAR YOU!!! Dealing with the voices in your head. | New Age Bitch Says:

    [...] nonsensical.  ANYTHING to get your mind off that old voice and the crap it tells you.  (Just don’t make it “Feelings” unless you want The Bitch to start stabbing herself repeatedly in the eye with the business end of [...]

  14. Dot Says:

    Wandered over here from Matthew Dryden. My favorite New Age thing is: I’m sick (i am), so I must have created this reality. I can’t seem to get well, so I must not be creating the right reality. So now I’m sick AND at fault. Someone once explained to me that I can’t change it because it’s not me that’s creating the reality, it’s my soul. So now I’m sick and at fault and powerless. Isn’t spirituality fun?

    Dots last blog post..Thank You!

  15. gia Says:

    Today I took a vow of silence for the first time in my life. Although, I don’t know for sure if this is not being silent because still I have the desire to communicate my feelings in any way, shape or form! :) On the real… I just wanted you to know that you have helped me in my journey today. When you told me to come closer and listen, u got me. All along I knew something was wrong in the realtionship I am currently in. It wasn’t until now, until mystic lightbulb went off did I realize I was trying to be controled. He had me there for a minute!!!! I musta set out this journey today to find your blog!!!!!!! So much for breaking rules. Thanx for aiding in lighting my path. gia

  16. bitch Says:

    Dot: That’s using the empowering to disempower yourself. It’s not your fault. It’s your choice. You can make other choices, even when it seems like there *are* no other choices. Life is way more fun than it sometimes seems.

    Gia: The Bitch is here to serve, truly. Namaste.

  17. Monay Says:

    More than anything, I was LMAO! I think you are hilarious! I loved the humor in this post! Although I do disagree with you about controlling your own thoughts is brainwashing, I did see the point in what you were saying.

    I actually liked reading this post. I never went to a website where I can visualize the personality of the writer. Very quick witted. I love it! I just found your site on blog catalog. (I have no frigging clue how I got there from twitter, but everything happens for a reason!)

    Stay Blessed!
    Monay´s last blog ..Get What You Want In 10 Easy Steps!

  18. Daniel Memenode Says:

    Well language can play tricks on us so we sometimes fail to recognize more subtle distinctions between concepts which seem so similar to each other they must be the same thing.

    That I think applies to the issue of “controlling thoughts”. On one hand as Christa pointed out we can tell ourselves things that encourage positive attitudes essentially planting different kinds of thoughts in our mind while supplanting the old ones. So some degree of control is obviously possible. On the other it’s quite true that striving to control each and every thought that we think is insanity and those who expect us to do that are likely being manipulative.

    I mentioned a distinction. The distinction is simple but subtle. You put “creating your reality” in the title of this blog entry, but mainly talk about “controlling your thoughts”. However, isn’t there a pretty big difference between thoughts manifesting reality and the ability to change at least some of your thoughts as merely a first step towards changing your behavior?

    I would say there is. The first essentially assumes that thoughts can directly cause certain circumstances without you actually lifting a finger. Think “The Secret”. It’s clearly BS, and therefore brainwashing. But the second thing, which actually is demonstrably true, is that changing your thoughts can influence your actions which causes reactions that you then experience in your life. So there is definitely a causality chain between thoughts and reality that you experience, but it is NOT so direct as “The Secret” conveniently implies. Furthermore, it is not that simple either as the reality you’ll experience certainly isn’t cause SOLELY by your own personal actions alone.

    So yeah, I agree with you for sure, just wanted to make sure to make that distinction.

    Oh and btw, I don’t even necessarily advocate outright “forcing” of new thoughts upon old ones. I think this sort of thing would happen naturally if we act upon the right ideas and these ideas too first need to be naturally attracted to us (like reading your blog entry and just feeling like it cliques so much that it naturally inspires a deviation in my thought process, that kinda thing).

    I think the more important thing than just trying to think something else outright is to try and LISTEN to your emotions and senses, write down your dreams, try to figure out why you feel what you feel without judging yourself negatively and so on. This provides self-understanding and creates a natural (and therefore nearly effortless) impetus for thought-change and consequent personal growth.

    Daniel Memenode´s last blog ..The 7-Lesson Schoolteacher

  19. MTOB Says:

    wow! I really liked this!
    MTOB´s last blog ..Reclaim Your Innocence: Be A Virgin Again!

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