You know how I feel about memes, but I’m still masticating on the post ideas you gave me so I stole this one from Avitable. Stole at least one of his answers, too. Or did I? That’s for you to figure out.

9 Layers: a meme to peel away the layers of you.

Layer One:
Name: New Age Bitch, or just Bitch. You choose.
Birth date: 12:20 pm.
Birthplace: Mom says it was vaginal, but my memories of it are hazy.
Current Location: On your screen. Staring at you. Right now.
Eye color: Depends on the light.
Hair Color: Upstairs or downstairs? Be specific.
Height: Let me stand by the door at 7-11 and then you tell me.
Righty or Lefty: The Bitch is ALWAYS right.
Zodiac sign: Guess.

Layer Two:
Your Heritage: One part shameless whore, two parts bitch, one part deliciously mysterious.
The shoes you wore today: Fuck-me pumps, obviously.
Your weakness: I have a weakness?
Your fears: Being out of control.
Your perfect pizza: Is that a euphemism?
Goal you’d like to achieve: The Bitch has done it ALL.

Layer Three:
Your most overused phrase on AIM: Who uses that anymore?
Your first waking thoughts: Fuck.
Your best physical feature: Tits. Told you that already.
Your most missed memory: Could you repeat the question?

Layer Four:
Pepsi or Coke: Ew. Neither.
McDonalds or Burger King: Ew. Neither. (Who eats that crap anyway?)
Single or group dates: We talking gang-bang here? Not for me.
Adidas or Nike: New Balance.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: More crap. Great. No wonder you suck.
Chocolate or vanilla: Darrrrrk chocolate.
Cappuccino or coffee: Tall skim double-shot latte. Duh.

Layer Five:
Smoke: Only when I’m on fire.
Cuss: Fuck no!
Sing: Every day.
Take a shower everyday: It goes with the singing.
Do you think you’ve been in love: I’m in love all the time.
Want to go to college: Again? What for?
Liked high school: Are you serious?
Want to get married: Again? What for?
Believe in yourself: Only when I click my red shoes together three times.
Get motion sickness: Only when riding that mechanical bull.
Think you’re attractive: I’m fucking gorgeous!
Think you’re a health freak: No, but you would.
Get along with your parents: Yes, after I buried their bodies in the backyard.
Like thunderstorms: I love them.
Play an instrument: Several.

Layer Six: In the past month….
Drank alcohol: Yep.
Smoked: Haven’t been on fire in the past month, so no.
Done drugs: Only the type I can inject directly into my eyeballs.
Made out: “Made out”? Who wrote these questions?
Gone on a date: Fuck.
Gone to the mall: Haven’t been on fire in the past month, so no.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Don’t they come in a bag these days?
Eaten sushi: Yes.
Been on stage: Naked or clothed? Be specific here.
Been dumped: Never.
Gone skating: Uhhh. No.
Made homemade cookies: Picture that, will you? I mean seriously.
Gone skinny dipping: It’s fucking December. Brr.
Dyed your hair: Upstairs or down?

Stolen anything: Layer Seven: Have you ever….
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Several. I’m especially good at Strip Trivial Pursuit.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Define “extremely.”
Been caught “doing something”: Doing…what?
Been called a tease: I always follow through.
Gotten beat up: Are you serious?
Shoplifted: Once, and I was wracked with guilt for years afterward. Still have nightmares.
Changed who you were to fit in: Are you serious?

Layer Eight:
Age you hope to be married: Dead. That would do it.
Names of children: Tremor, Scream, and Haggis.
Describe your dream wedding: Oh, fuck.
How do you want to die: In bed.
Where do you want to go to college: We covered this already.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Me. Which is what YOU want to be too, let’s face it.
What country would you most like to visit: Iceland.

Layer Nine:
Number of drugs taken illegally: At one time?
Number of people I could trust with my life: Stupid question. Who puts that kind of responsibility on someone else?
Number of CDs that I own: Who owns CDs anymore? Never heard of bittorrent?
Number of piercings: Only 6.
Number of tattoos: Only 2.
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Several.
Number of scars on my body: Who counts scars?
Number of things in my past I regret: Zero. Zilch. Nada. None.

Wanna do this meme? Fine. Go for it. Link to me, bitches.

Well well, so another calendar page blew off the wall and it’s December again. Do you care? Except for all the stress you feel when it’s December? Too bad you can’t enjoy it, but no, you’re too busy waiting in line at Wal-Mart, or trampling poor scrawny temp workers who just wanted to make some extra Xmas dough to save up and buy that set of matching NASCAR towels they’ve been coveting all year, or tick tick tick clicking away making Cyber Monday deals and sending your credit card balances spiraling upwards. Fun, eh?

So whatever. Christmas. let’s put the Christ back in Christmas, shall we? Or better yet, let’s not and say we did. Because frankly, that’s another good idea that’s been twisted way out of recognition. But again, whatever.

No, I want to talk about me.

Looks like my last post was a bit of a bust. What, put off by the talk of masturbation? See, it’s something everyone does but won’t admit to and doesn’t want to talk about. Whatever. There were comments but I saved them from your tender ears. Eyes. Whatever. Because it’s slightly creepy when there’s someone who really DOES want to talk about masturbation. In detail. So…no. But hey, no skin off my nose because The Bitch didn’t actually write that post. If you look carefully you can see that the magic codes usually embedded that hypnotize you and make you think I’m a genius and sleep like a baby the night after reading my posts were missing. See? Yeah, those. So whatever.

I mentioned before that The Bitch has been busy and that doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon. It’s not that I don’t love you, because I don’t, at least not THAT way, but some of us have a life. Maybe even you. Most assuredly YOU, anyway. But you can all look forward to more Bitchposts in the future. That could be an empty promise but you’ll either have to keep coming back repeatedly or subscribe to be sure, won’t you?

Oh, and I’m taking requests. Because I’m out of original ideas and may as well use yours. So put them in the comments.