The Haiti thing

All right, the devastating earthquake in Haiti isn’t breaking news anymore, but the Bitch would be cold and heartless indeed if she didn’t weigh in on what some short-sighted or incredibly idealistic headline writer is calling “The Disaster of the Century.” (After all, we still have 90 years to go, and even though the Doomsday Clock was just ratcheted down by a minute, we’re still seven minutes away from complete and total annihilation by a bunch of fuckwads, so let’s not forget that.)

But you can’t call yourself human and not feel something at the sudden (and probably horribly painful) deaths of a huge number of people. Numbers are impossible to estimate at this point, but they’re talking 50,000 – 100,000. People. Dead. That’s the size of a decent city. And THREE MILLION people in Haiti are affected by the earthquake in some way. Tons are homeless. Their tarpaper-and-spit shacks collapsed, not exactly being up to earthquake building code requirements. And now they’ve got nothing.

So, total dickwads like Pat Fucking Robertson aside (really? Haiti is cursed because it made a pact with the devil? is that the best you could come up with, Pat?), where do the rest of us stand on Haiti?

1. Fact. Haiti is a dinky country located where it’s hot and humid much of the time.

2. Fact. Despite being the first independent nation in Latin America, which sounds all civilized and shit, Haiti — like most of the world — has had an incredibly fucked-up history including pirates, slavery, smallpox, revolution, more slavery, dictatorships, coups, crushing poverty for most and incredible wealth for a few, and US military occupation.

3. Is this a reason to ignore Haiti? Most of us haven’t been there, have no family ties there, have enough shit to worry about…

Three fucking million people. That’s about how many Presbyterians live in the U.S., living right next door. You’d help them, right? But here, have a look at these photos. People’s homes. Lives. Gone. If you’re breathing, you’ll feel something here. Fucking help Haiti.

So, what’s it gonna be? Don’t give me any shit here. Three easy ways to send help to Haiti:

1. RIGHT NOW, you can text “Yele” to 501501 to donate $5 to Yele Haiti. It’ll be charged to your phone. Yele Haiti is a foundation created by musician Wyclef Jean to help impoverished people in his home country. So easy. Just fucking do it. (Hint: this works more than once.)

2. So you can get into this texting for Haiti thing, right? Then text “Haiti” to 90999 and you’ll be sending $10 to the Red Cross. Not as hip as Wyclef Jean, but whatever.

3. Want to give money the old-fashioned way? Fine. CARE is focusing on rescuing children trapped in the rubble of the schools they were attending when the quake hit. Next, they’ll focus on bringing water and food to those who need it. OXFAM is another highly respected aid organization, focusing for now on getting clean water to quake victims.

Go on. Go. What are you waiting for? Already gave money yesterday? Fine, great. Then give up your latte today and DO IT AGAIN.