Well well, so another calendar page blew off the wall and it’s December again. Do you care? Except for all the stress you feel when it’s December? Too bad you can’t enjoy it, but no, you’re too busy waiting in line at Wal-Mart, or trampling poor scrawny temp workers who just wanted to make some extra Xmas dough to save up and buy that set of matching NASCAR towels they’ve been coveting all year, or tick tick tick clicking away making Cyber Monday deals and sending your credit card balances spiraling upwards. Fun, eh?

So whatever. Christmas. let’s put the Christ back in Christmas, shall we? Or better yet, let’s not and say we did. Because frankly, that’s another good idea that’s been twisted way out of recognition. But again, whatever.

No, I want to talk about me.

Looks like my last post was a bit of a bust. What, put off by the talk of masturbation? See, it’s something everyone does but won’t admit to and doesn’t want to talk about. Whatever. There were comments but I saved them from your tender ears. Eyes. Whatever. Because it’s slightly creepy when there’s someone who really DOES want to talk about masturbation. In detail. So…no. But hey, no skin off my nose because The Bitch didn’t actually write that post. If you look carefully you can see that the magic codes usually embedded that hypnotize you and make you think I’m a genius and sleep like a baby the night after reading my posts were missing. See? Yeah, those. So whatever.

I mentioned before that The Bitch has been busy and that doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon. It’s not that I don’t love you, because I don’t, at least not THAT way, but some of us have a life. Maybe even you. Most assuredly YOU, anyway. But you can all look forward to more Bitchposts in the future. That could be an empty promise but you’ll either have to keep coming back repeatedly or subscribe to be sure, won’t you?

Oh, and I’m taking requests. Because I’m out of original ideas and may as well use yours. So put them in the comments.

[Click to embiggen.]

Is this fucking awesome, or what?  Tag cloud made courtesy of Wordle.*

*You do know what this is, right?  The Bitch painstakingly typed in ALL of the words ever uttered here at New Age Bitch, fed them laboriously into a computer the size of a refrigerator, and eight point seven hours later, this was the result.  This is what The Bitch talks about.

Now go play with this and make sentences out of it.  Go on.  I know you want to.

Oh, fuck.  I’ll start.  Here:

Post saying, “Fuck life! Talk fucking!”  Thought: deep, hidden.  Look!  Just someone stop!  Stupid…

There.  Now go play, will you?  Life is too short to fucking take it seriously.   Get your kicks where you can.

So for my first meme, I call it a success: no one guessed successfully, although you certainly tried hard. I find it amusing that most of you thought that my past involved either jail or anti-depressants. But let’s just say that while every single answer has a basis in reality, none of them are true.

I received a plea from Matthew asking to be tagged on this. So I therefore tag Matthew. Go and have a look at his site; it’s satisfyingly bizarre.

Anybody else? It’s not too late.

OMFG.

That was my response upon learning the Bitch had been tagged.  For a meme.  You think the Bitch is above such things?  You would be absolutely correct. Not at all.  The Bitch is a Joiner.  Plays Well With Others.  In fact, if you want YOUR BLOG to be included in a list of links here at New Age Bitch, and I wholeheartedly (or is that coldheartedly…?) recommend that you leave your info in a comment and the Bitch will see to it that your site appears on the list.

We’re exclusive here, but not that exclusive.  Meaning, if you’re here and you’ve read this far it’s presumed that you’ve already transcended at least a minimal level of awareness and appreciation.

Who is it that had the amazing gall to tag New Age Bitch for a meme?  Blogger Dad.  Read his answers here.  And then proceed at your own risk.  Except we’re going to play this a little differently (you knew that was going to happen, didn’t you?).  You’ll have to pick out the correct answers yourself.

Where Were You Ten Years Ago?

a.  In jail.

b.  Driving a mini van to soccer.

c.  Somewhere in India, on an ashram.

d.  Seriously considering Prozac.

What’s on Your To Do List Today?

a.  Piss people off, kick an old lady in the shins, and jaywalk.

b.  Swallow my tongue.

c.  Experience Inbox Zero for at least 2.7 minutes.

d.  Levitate.

What If You Were A Billionaire?

a.  What makes you think I’m not?

b.  What if we all just got along?  Let’s start with a nice big group hug, okay?

c.  I would mail everyone I know a check for a dollar.

d.  I would buy all the cans of creamed corn in existence and store them in my basement.

Five Places You Have Lived?

a.  Jail.  See question #1.

b.  In my head.

c.  California.  See a, and b.

d.  Define “lived”.

f.  Earth?

Three Bad Habits?

a.  None.  The Bitch has no bad habits.

b.  None.  What are YOU looking at??!

c.  None.  Sex addictions don’t count, right?

d.  None.  Fuck you!

Snacks You Like?

a.  Salty-crunchy.

b.  Sweet.

c.  Dairy-creamy-sweet.

d.  Wait, are we talking about food here?

Who Will You Tag?

a.  That’s for me to know and you to find out.

b.  That’s a little like picking favorites, isn’t it?  Either that or creating punishments.  Fuck that.  The Bitch doesn’t do either.  Tell you what.  If you want to do this meme, do it.  Send me an email and I’ll be sure to mention you and link to your post somewhere prominent.   Deal?  Because I just don’t want to deal with the crying and the disappointment.

The end.